Joy Diet Ingredient of the Week: Laughter

Ha ha ha ha...

This week did not go the way I expected it to. I envisioned a week filled with laughter, with chuckle inducing knock-knock jokes and funny cartoons. I took Martha Beck at her word that 30 laughs a day would be pretty easy. I expected to breeze through – and instead I stumbled upon some pretty hard truths about myself and my life.

I do not laugh as often as I would like to. I did not make 30 laughs a day, not even close, not once.

When I brought my husband into the project and asked him for some jokes, he somberly said, "You do not laugh nearly enough."

I don't know when this happened. I used to be Little Mary Sunshine. I used to be annoyingly upbeat. I mean, really, people used to complain about it!

I don't know where all that laughter went but I definitely know I want it back. (I do know that some of this is the result of being a mother and putting things that are important to me on the backburner for such a long time.)

So tell me a funny story. Tell me a joke. I'm looking to retrieve some of the joyous lightheartedness I used to have.

Stop by Jamie Ridler's The Next Chapter to see more reflections on this week's Joy Diet ingredient.

Missing Joy Diet Post

This week's chapter threw me for a loop, so much so I'm not really ready to write about it yet. I'm still processing. More to come...

Skate Away

So I mentioned in last week's post on The Joy Diet that what I really wanted to do was go rollerskating. I got lots of encouragement in the comments and decided I would go this week. I made a special point of telling my sister. She is my creative cohort and helps keep me accountable.

Can you guess what happened next?

I made plans to go on Tuesday night and then spent about 24 hours talking myself out of it. I would feel self-conscious and dorky. Max needed me. Who would do the dinner dishes? It's a giant hassle for such a silly whim. Which devolved into, who do you think you are? You'll look ridiculous. You will fall down and there will be no one there to laugh about it with. You will embarrass yourself.

Yes, gremlins working overtime. That got me thinking about resistance and why I was expending so much psychic energy trying to keep myself from doing something I really wanted to do. When my brain throws up that much clutter I try to sit up and pay attention.

So I did what I thought would help me over the hurdle of all that negative energy - called my sister and confessed, " I'm talking myself out of going." And she did what every caring sister would do, told me to go and that if I backed out she would give me a hard time.

So, I went and you know what? It was great. I didn't fall, not even once. I was, at moments, self conscious but I got over it. I let those wheels spin me around and around, let the adrenalin of feeling exposed and maybe a little foolish course through me and had a very good time.

The feelings I associate with skating are joy and an almost crazy sense of self confidence. In the crazy dark patches of my early teen years skating was something I was good at. At the rink things made sense - I knew exactly who I was.

Last night, I think I got a little piece of that back.

The Joy Diet Ingredient of the Week: Treats

I learned a lot about myself this week as The Joy Diet focused on treats.

I had some difficulty coming up with treats that weren't prescriptive, things I thought I ought to do or want. I know now I need to spend more time thinking about what would make me happy, what will make me smile.

Once I came up with a few smile-inducers, (a soak in the tub, a special lunch, window shopping at a new store) I had a hard time actually giving myself the treat. At the first sign of conflict with the things I do for other people, for my family, I would put my treat on the back burner and almost immediately forget about it.

I know I have put a lot of my needs on hold as my life has been "about" raising a child and running a household but I don't want to be in the dark about the things that make me smile. I want to better at treating myself. I'm going to continue to explore treats as we move into the next chapter.

You know what I really want to do next week? What would really make me smile? Rollerskating. I want to go rollerskating.

Stop by Jamie Ridler's The Next Chapter to see more reflections on this week's Joy Diet ingredient.

The Joy Diet Ingredient of the Week: Risk

In case you haven't noticed, I've been sailing through The Joy Diet. I've encountered a little resistance but up until this week, nothing has really slowed me down - until this week.

Risk brought me to a full stop. Can you hear the sound of brakes squealing, gears grinding to a halt? I would sit down dutifully every morning and do nothing for a while, think about truth, think about desire, think about creativity and then...nothing. Although I could name what I want, my brain refused to go to the risks I might take to make things happen. I was stumped. I've felt resistance before but never flat out refusal. I'd walk into my day, shaking my head, wondering what was going on.

But a funny thing happened today as I was looking back over my week of journal entries. I took little risks, ever single day this week. Every single day I took a step outside my comfort zone to get closer to what I want - I just didn't think it out beforehand. Even if my conscious mind wouldn't cooperate, subconsciously I was still on task. I just didn't realize it at the time.

Stop by Jamie Ridler's The Next Chapter to see more reflections on this week's Joy Diet ingredient.

The Joy Diet Ingredient of the Week: Creativity

It has been a good week for me and The Joy Diet. I had a blast coming up with creative and off-the-wall ideas for achieving my heart's desires. That being said, one particular suggestion in this chapter stopped me in my tracks.

Martha Beck suggests "Perseverate on Your Enemies." Perseverate mean to "mentally focus on one topic to the point of obsession" and here's why:

"It could well be that the reason your thoughts revolve around this enemy is that you're looking in a kind of mirror, one that shows you all the things you think you must not be."

This idea isn't new to me. In fact, I've learned over the last year or so to pay close attention to the people who piss me off, the people I find myself judging most harshly, that there is something important about me and my beliefs being reflected there. (Thank you, Brene Brown.) Taking this view and thinking things through the way Beck suggests has not stopped me from fuming when the self important PTO moms park in the handicap spot at the school, but I did spend a good bit of time thinking about what I might be seeing in the mirror.

My thoughts of

Who does she think she is?

What makes her think her needs are so important?

Why does she think the rules don't apply to her?

have led me to thoughts like this:

How often do I downplay my needs (especially my creative needs) as less important than the needs of others?

What could I achieve if I decided the rules I've imposed on myself no longer apply?

My best and most creative thoughts have come out of this one idea this week. Sometimes the thing that stops you in your tracks, that seems the most impossible, is the very thing you most need to hear.

Stop by Jamie Ridler's The Next Chapter to see more reflections on this week's Joy Diet ingredient.

The Joy Diet’s Third Ingredient: Desire

A line of thunderstorms is rolling through this morning. It is the leading edge of a cold front that I hope will blow away the last of our leftover humidity and heat.

The Joy Diet has been blowing through my life in much the same way. Every chapter has been met with an initial storm of resistance. Once I move through those dark clouds, I find the air is clear and clean on the other side.

It has been a good week for me. Last week's TRUTH washed away a lot of negative self talk for me. I'm not saying the negative stories have magically disappeared. They are still there. I'm just a little quicker at recognizing and silencing them. It's a subtle but powerful shift and it is changing the texture of my days in a way that feels really good. I'm experiencing more joy.

DESIRE turned out to be a piece of cake. Spending time each day getting quiet and thinking about what I really and truly want has been an incredible gift. Every day I followed my desires down to intention and came up with a way to satisfy them. Wanting something delicious to eat, led me to a deep desire to be nurtured. "I want to rest" was honored with a quick 20 minute nap that change the tenor of my entire day. "I want to tell a story" became a heartfelt blog post.

Here's the amazing part. I took the time to think about my heart's desires and then (gasp) did something about it and the world did not come to a screeching halt. The laundry was done, dinner was cooked. No one starved or suffered from neglect because I took some time and expended some energy on my self and my desires. In fact, I think I did a better job in the world this week because I felt so nurtured and cared for.

I'm looking forward to next week and adding CREATIVITY to the mix!

Chapter Two of The Joy Diet: TRUTH

I had a great week with The Joy Diet. The fifteen minutes of nothing has gotten easier, almost second nature and the truth exercise wound up being a godsend during a frantic week.

I was worried about forgetting some of the questions in the exercise so I typed up a little worksheet with questions and enough space to write my answers and then made a few copies. I'm really glad I did this because I have a written record now of what I felt during the week.

So, I sat for fifteen minutes and then pulled out my little worksheet and answered the questions. I did this pretty quickly so as to not over-think things. I added an action at the bottom of the page, thinking about what would bring the most love into the world. I folded the paper in half and slid it into my journal, and promptly let go of it – went on about my day.

And you know, the strangest thing happened every single day this week.

Every day, every single day something happened to reassure me about the one thing I'd centered in on and written down in the morning. Here's one example: on the day when I was feeling sad because my son is growing up and doesn't need me in the way he used to, he and I had a long serious discussion at dinner. It reminded me that he still needs me very much, but in different ways.

I think by focusing my attention on my truthful feelings, by examining the negative stories I can tell myself, I created a space in which to notice these wonderful little moments of grace (that I'm sure have been there all along). By giving my painful stories voice, I freed myself up to see what is good and true about my life.

This is nothing less than revolutionary for me.

The Joy Diet Chapter One: Nothing

The first ingredient in The Joy Diet is nothing. Spend at least fifteen minutes a day doing absolutely nothing.

I though I would breeze right through this ingredient. I'm a great proponent of puttering which is surely a first cousin to doing nothing. Puttering is basically doing nothing but moving around while you do it, right? Surely morphing this into nothing would be a snap?!

Well, not so much. Even though Martha gives us the option of moving while we do nothing, I really wanted to try something new and committed to sitting.

For the first few days, when I sat down to do nothing I would start to fall asleep. I actually fell asleep once and while I enjoyed the power nap, it didn't seem right. Sleeping is something. I wanted nothing.

I kept at it. I learned early on to turn the ringer off on the phone. I set a timer, but then paid way too much attention to it. As the week wore on, I got very good at just sensing when the fifteen minutes was up.

Practicing doing nothing was pleasurable. I was always (even when I didn't fall asleep) refreshed after my fifteen minutes of absolutely nothing. I noticed that I seemed to be more productive this week. I accomplished more during the day. That fifteen minutes of quiet expanded into my day in interesting ways. My mornngs were more serene. Most days, I faced the late afternoon calmer and with more energy for the late afternoon/dinner/bedtime rush. I liked that.

Next week's ingredient: truth.

The Next Chapter: The Joy Diet

It is time to set off on another adventure with the wonderful Jamie Riddler and her merry band of creatives. Remember how much fun I had wrecking my journal this summer?

This time we are working our way through The Joy Diet: 10 Daily Practices for a Happier Life by Martha Beck. Here are the ten ingredients of The Joy Diet.

Nothing

Truth

Desire

Creativity

Risk

Treats

Play

Laughter

Connection

Feasting

We'll be looking at each of these ideas one week at a time.

This harmonizes quite nicely with the work I've been doing in the Mondo Beyondo course. Practice Joy is right near the top of my Mondo Beyondo list. What better way to initiate a practice than with a book like this?

I'll be blogging about The Joy Diet and its ten intriguing ingredients on Fridays. If you like the idea conjuring a little joy, why don't you join us?