Monday, December 14, 2009

What Love Can Do for You

We had a bomb drop on our life last week. Jena Strong is right. It can all turn on a dime.

One minute I was washing the dishes and then the phone rang and everything shifted. The rug was ripped right out from under us, leaving us stunned and shaking.

Let me be clear. We are all healthy and whole. What we lost in that instant is the vision of our immediate future – plans we've made. Things we believed to be true and certain are now out of focus and in doubt.

It felt just like this: falling out of a tree or off the jungle gym and landing flat on your back, that terrible constricted moment when all the air leaves your lungs and the system clamps down, that second or two of being unable to breathe.

For a day or so I forgot how to breathe. I'm breathing again but I can still feel the ache of that fall. This is something true about humans, we adjust. The shock wears off and we breathe, bake cookies, fold laundry, begin making plans again.

Saturday night after dinner we talked and talked. The three of us telling the story again, going over the details we remembered best, giving voice to our worst fears and our secret hopes, taking a guess at what will happen next. It was a long, rambling talk and I think we all felt better for it.

That table full of talk reminded us, I think, of how strongly we are tied to each other, reminded us that no matter what life throws at us, we are in it together.

Things are still up in the air. We are learning to live with this particular uncertainty, but there is one thing I am sure of – we will be fine.

That's what love can do for you.

Wednesday, December 9, 2009

Louder than Bombs

I'm listening to The Smiths this morning and the lyrics keep distracting me. Plus I have to stop every five minutes to play my imaginary tambourine.

I have been MIA from this space for a week and while I wish I had some gloriously interesting reason, I'm afraid it's just that life was happening. I was doing some other writing and every time I came back over here, there was nothing but the sound of crickets in my brain.

This morning the crickets have been shooed away by The Smiths and I am not completely sure that it's an improvement.

I've been trying to write for at least an hour every day and I keep getting stuck at 45 minutes. That's sixty minutes, ass in chair without interruption. For some reason, right at the 45 minute mark my brain just goes into a skid and I cannot go any further. Cleaning off my desk has helped immensely. I have even (gasp) shoved my laptop over to the corner so there's just a nice big blank space in the middle of the desk. Sharpened pencils help too.

Sometimes it takes me forever to do these very simple things.




Monday, November 30, 2009

November 30th


My focus has really been all over the map this month. At least I haven't gone over to the dark side...