Saturday, July 5, 2008

To Be Perfectly Honest

I got an email today from a blogging friend who asked how we are and I said we were well, which in a sense, is true.

What I did not say, and have not said here (which is beginning to feel dishonest), is that I had a biopsy of some tissue on my nose at the dermatologist on Wednesday and I am waiting to hear the results. I am waiting for my life to take a rather sharp turn - or to exhale. I hope they call and say "Oops, sorry. That chunk of your nose was actually just a chunk of your nose." No matter what the news, I find myself wondering about the kneejerk response not to write about it here when I've written so many rather personal things.

Honestly, I think my first response was that I didn't want to worry anyone – not until I know what's going on. For this same reason I am upbeat and do not say much about it on the phone with my mother or sister because they're on vacation, and who wants to listen to sobbing and fear on a cell phone at the lake?

But last night as I was tossing and turning and playing out every worse case scenario while trying not to itch the spot on my nose (which is healing nicely, thank you) I came to some sort of subconscious conclusion that has convinced me today that if I don't write about it, if I don't tell the internet my deepest fears, that it will somehow jinx me.

If I do tell you' all, I had a biopsy and I am so fricking worried my head is about to explode that it will somehow protect me from bad news, from that sharp turn.

I can be a deeply superstitious person, so here I am - saying I'm so scared and worried, my knees are weak.


  1. I am sending you my best wishes and my fingers are crossed for only good news.

    I absolutely believe that expressing your worst fears helps alleviate them.

    Plus you have all those healing thoughts coming your way.

  2. Thanks, Mrs. G. We are thinking positive over here and trying to maintain our sense of humor.

    Lefty says I should claim the nose wound is a piercing gone horribly wrong...

  3. I hope that they don't make you wait long, Laura. Waiting is terrible.
    You want to get on with it so that you know whether to celebrate the relief or to start doing what you need to do to deal with the biopsy results.
    If you need to spill some of the worry, please email me. Mrs. G. is so right -- expressing your fears -- and your anger -- can only be good for you.

    I'm sending caring thoughts, holding you in the light --


  4. I too will send some healing thoughts your way. And then read back to your post of July 3rd, it is excellent advice.

  5. Laura, I've emailed you...

    And Amy, thanks for stopping by! I am truly trying to remember that one good thing that is.

  6. Bless you, Laura. I'm sending healing thoughts. And, my sister San Antonian, if you want someone to sit with you over a cup of coffee or a margarita, just email me.

  7. I really wish that news like this is something we could get immediately instead of it mouldering in our brain. Good luck and I'm thinking positive thoughts for you (and my cousin, as well; she is going through the same thing, and waiting to hear, too).

  8. i agree with mrs. g. And WHY can't they immediately get those results back? They're still using horses and buggies while the rest of us are driving cars.

    (i know it will be just fine, but the worrying is horrible.)

  9. Laura,

    My thoughts are with you. Hopefully you will get some good news, and soon!

    In the meantime, just chill with Lefty & The Kid, and cross the bridge when you come to it. And maybe go out and buy yourself an outrageous sunhat!

  10. Thanks to all of you for such wonderful kindness and encouragement.
    It means a lot to me.

  11. Stop Googling "skin cancer". It will help you feel a bit better. Hearing all the worst case scenarios in the world is hell on your nerves.