Wednesday, March 4, 2009

Turn and Face the Strange Changes

There is so much going on out here. Karen is 84% of the way to her word count goal. Mrs. G has some fancy new digs, and Laura is up to her pretty knees in snow – at least for now.

I am going through, have been going through a bit of a rough patch. I have been feeling off, sort of stuck. Here are the two metaphors I've been using:

• It's like I'm trying to listen to my life at a loud, crowded party. I am leaning in and straining to hear but I just can't make out the conversation for all the background noise.

• It's like I'm sitting in the chair at the optometrist and he's fitting me for lenses, sliding them in and out and saying, is this one better or worse? Better or worse? And they are all worse.

So, I've been doing all the things I usually do if I get into a funk. Stepped up the exercise, no skipping a day of walking or riding my bike, made sure I'm not eating a bunch of processed junk, got some extra sleep, tried to be gentle with myself, but nothing worked. These tried and true remedies, that have always put me back on the right track, let me down and there I was, functioning, but feeling as if I was underwater, disconnected and unable to focus on my life.

Then, a very wise woman (hello, mom) told me exactly what I needed to do. To borrow from Hamlet, "get thee to a therapist." And so I did.

I know some of you have little faith in talk therapy, or have had crummy experiences with bad therapists. All I can say is that it works for me. I can tell in five minutes if a therapist is right for me. It's like dating, almost chemical.

Yesterday, I had my first meeting with M and really, I already feel better. Not perfect, but a little lighter, a little more hopeful.

I feel like I'm heading off in a new direction, hacking away at the jungle around me.

Wish me luck.

1 comment:

  1. "Do what you have to do until you know what you need to know."

    Of the few therapists I had -- at different times, several years back -- there were two whom I really liked and who helped me. I mean, I had to do the work, but they offered some tools. I had one who was just awful -- mean -- and one who was a riot, more messed up than I was. She used to smoke one of those artificial cigarettes, because she was quitting smoking.

    It's great to find someone you click with. (Um, not this smoker dame.)

    I'm sorry to hear that you've been having trouble, Laura, and happy that this sounds like a good therapist and hopeful path for you. Waking up in the morning with hope instead of dread is great. xoxo