Thursday, February 7, 2008

Lunch with The Kid and an Angst Attack

Lefty and I had lunch with The Kid at his school today. The chaos that is lunch at an elementary school is beyond description. We surprised The Kid. I even packed him a decoy lunch and he barely raised an eyebrow. He is too cool, Lefty says, to show surprise in front of his friends.

On the way to lunch, we were talking about the kind of things married people talk about, Lefty's frustration with disaffected and bored students, my frustration with The Kid's snarkiness in the mornings. We agreed that we should make a conscious effort to drink more alcohol.

In the midst of this joking and laughing, I found myself saying, " I want… I want…" and then tears came to my eyes and I said, "I want to recapture that feeling of not having a care in the world." I said, " I just feel beat down by middle age and responsibilities and parenting." Then the moment passed.

Pull focus. I know I have it so easy. I am very very lucky. I am married to a wonderful partner and friend who although he snores a little is one of the kindest and funniest people on the planet. I have a healthy, smart kid. I am out of the office that was making me miserable and I'm writing every single day – which is what I wanted for-almost-ever. What in the world do I have to be all angsty and existential about?

Lefty suggests a trip to Vegas with the wise little sister. "The two of you," he says, " gambling, drinking, watching all those people walk through a noisy casino! It's a novel waiting to happen!" He stopped here to expound on the structure of the novel - how each day would be represented and then expanded into reminiscences and observations. The man does know how to jolly me out of a mood.


  1. Sounds good to me sweetie, Pick a date and lets go!!
    Love ya,

  2. Even a seemingly perfect existence has its ups and downs--if nothing else, your momentary funk helped you remember the good that IS in your life.

    Take your sweetie's advice--go to Vegas!

  3. My ears rung for a week after lunch at my children's school. But you've given me a good idea. . . probably time for another visit.